Family Life Issues

When I came to God, I became a Human Being

By P.M. Babu

“For the past twelve years I had been the slave of the bottle. There was not a day when my wife did not shed tears on my account. There was no peace or joy at home. My children were terrified of me. I became a nervous wreck myself. Now I have started my life in God.”

   This happened in 2003 but I do not remember the date because in those days dates and times had no meaning for me.  Morning came, evening came, and somebody would bring me home at some time in the night in an inebriated state.  That morning I had bought a new motorbike. In celebration of that I started my drinking early. I was celebrating the whole day. In the evening my wife went for her night duty leaving me to take care of our two children aged four and two and a half years. Even after she left I continued my boozing session. After some time I fell off to sleep. Around 10 O’clock in the night both my children being hungry went out of the house onto the road. They walked on for about a kilometer or so when a security guard spotted them and took them to the nearest police station. Fortunately there was a policeman who knew us and recognizing my children he brought them home at around midnight. Even then I was still under the influence of the drinks.

  Sometimes I would wake up at 3 O’clock in the night and start drinking until I collapsed. Once I drank for 14 days continuously. Since I was not eating anything at the same time I became very feeble. Then I would stay at home for a few days until I regained enough strength and start drinking again. If I got a thousand rupees I would spend all of it on buying alcohol. Many times I lay unconscious on the road and was robbed of all my possessions.

  It is now 8 years since I came to Delhi. Prior to that I had worked abroad for 6 years. Even when I was there I used to drink whenever I got the chance. After coming to Delhi I started an air-conditioner repairing shop. But due to my drinking habits things went into loss and within a year I had to close down the shop. Then I hired a Van to take children to their school. I used to be drunk while driving. Once for two consecutive days I did not take the children. When parents enquired they found me drunk at home. From that day they refused to send their children with me. After that even that job came to an end.

  Things went from bad to worse. I became ashamed to venture out and meet people. My children were hungry at home. How could I feed them when I could not even stand on my feet?  Thinking about me my own mother became ill. There was not a day when my wife did not shed tears on my account. There was no peace or joy at home. My children were terrified of me. I became a nervous wreck myself.

  At last there arose a desire in me to become a human being again. Several people tried to improve my condition. Desire is one thing, will another. One day when I was standing on a road in my usual inebriated condition I met Mr. Joseph who is a co-coordinator at the Divine Retreat Center. I told him that I wanted to change and become better. The very next day he came to my house and I agreed to go for retreat.  It was April 8, 2006 when I reached Divine for retreat. Even when I reached there I was trembling. At any rate, the sacred atmosphere there made me want to give up my drinking habit. I took part in the retreat and God made me to realize all the evil I had done. After six years I made my confession and received Holy Communion. After that retreat my mind found peace, a peace I had never experienced before.  “I leave you peace; my peace I give to you” (Jn. 14:27). Peace also came to my home. My wife began to smile once again. Our financial constraints improved. My eldest child who was sent to a school for deaf children in Kerala got back her hearing.

  After I gave up drinks I went to see my mother in Kerala. She had not seen me for a long time in my proper senses. When she saw me this time she was amazed to find her son had become a human being again.  Now I am involved in the ministry at the Divine Retreat Center. I purposely avoid contact with people who drink. I will not drink again. I rejoice today to find that people who had been avoiding me, now look at me with respect; they love me and listen to my words. “ When anyone is joined to Christ, he is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come” (2 Cor. 5:17). When I stepped out of alcohol and came to God, I became a human being. I have started my life in God. I will not be able to repair in this life all the pains and sorrow that I caused >to my wife, children and other members of the family and to society in general.

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Hanna, Why are you crying?

by Fr. Varghese Parapuram V.C

  The love between couples is truly attractive and meaningful and sincere. When two flowing streams join together we cannot distinguish their water as they are mingled so well, likewise the mutually loving and united conjugal life is truly beautiful and Joyful  "He who has an ideal wife is a happy man; his life-span will be doubled" (Sirach 26:1). Similarly, a wife who has an ideal husband is also lucky. Merely getting married and living as husband and wife is not enough. Only when there is mutual love, unity, adjustment and cooperation will it be a conjugal life according to Divine plan. Otherwise it will be an unhappy and most disturbed life.

  The mutual love and unity of the couple is put to the greatest test when there are problems and hurdles in the family. In such circumstances we can witness two different types of behaviours. In one type they blame and hurt each other, while in the other they console and support each other.

  As an example, take the case of a couple that does not have children. If after several years of married life the couple are still unable to have a child it is considered by our society as most unfortunate. In such a grave situation the couple will manifest one of these two types of behaviors. The more common one is blaming each other and hurting one another. It is not uncommon among couples to pass one's disappointment and grief on to one's partner thereby increasing the sorrow and pain.

  However we find in the Bible a like situation where the couple demonstrate an exemplary conduct by consoling each other. Elkanah and Hannah were husband and wife but had no children because the Lord had made her barren. Hannah was tormented and humiliated but Elkanah did not blame her; instead he consoled her. He would say, "Hannah, why are you crying? Why won't you eat? Why are you always so sad? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?"(1 Sam.1:8). Any wife who hears such affectionate words from her husband will put away her grief and rejoice. Such words will sound sweet to her ears and rejuvenate her heart.

  When couples trust each other and help each other in the face of whatever difficulties they meet, it is really praiseworthy. Let us suppose that there is a grave financial difficulty in a family. If they face this crisis with the wrong attitude this is what the wife will tell the husband, "Look at the men folk in our neighboring houses. How successful they are. See what they buy for their wives and children. You should be ashamed. This is all due to your lack of ability." The husband would retort, "If those men folk are so successful, in their efforts it is because their women are responsible at home. You are irresponsible and bring me bad luck." We can imagine what will follow after this.

  On the other hand the situation can be faced in another way. The wife may say, "Don't worry. We can manage with what we have. Don't worry because you cannot buy new clothes for the kids and me. Everything will become alright after some time." When the husband hears such words he too will react in a like manner.

   In the first instance, the financial difficulty and the mutual incrimination augment the sorrow of the husband and wife. Without joy, psychologically enfeebled, the family will slide further into disaster. But in the second approach, the actual problem is reduced by the kind and consoling words. Not only that, even if there is a dearth of wealth there is no lack of love and mutual respect and these fortify the mind and heart. They will soon overcome the temporary difficulty.

   Not only in financial problems but also in cases like sickness, disobedience of children, disputes with neighbors, etc. the second approach mentioned above is to be followed. But first and foremost what is most essential is to have a spiritual insight. God does not grant to anyone a perfect life here below. We must have a firm faith that God will give us days of happiness after all the ups and downs.

The foundation of a happy and contented family life is the trust and hope in divine providence. Together with it when we have a really creative approach to problems, we can attain the blessed state mentioned in Sirach 26:1, "Happy the man who has an ideal wife; his life-span will be doubled."
 

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Holy Family A Supreme Example

Fr. Martin Kalamparambil, V.C.

  There are many people who do not have a definite knowledge about how to be a good father or an ideal mother, or how to bring up children in the proper way. The Bible contains sufficient teaching in order to create a holy atmosphere in the home. God gives us the Holy Family as a model.

  We find the example of an ideal family in Jesus, Mary and Joseph. If we watch them and listen to them carefully we can lead a good family life. Joseph accepted Mary as his wife knowing that it was the will of God. A good husband is the one who seeks God's will. From Joseph we learn that we should not put to shame the wife whom God gives. Joseph "did not want to disgrace Mary"(Mt.1:19). The husband is bound to accept as wife the woman whom God gives him. In time of doubt without giving in to grief Joseph prayed to God. God intervened and removed his doubts. When doubts or suspicions arise in a family the husband as well as the wife should listen to the voice of God.]

  Having heard God's voice, in spite of great sacrifice, Joseph took Mary and infant Jesus into exile in Egypt. He did not grumble. Being the head of the family Joseph had to select the place God showed him in order to save the mother and child from the hands of the enemy. In the same way every head of the family ought to protect the members of his family from dangers. He should keep them away from places that may be detrimental to their innocence, from friends and neighbours who may lead them to sin.

  When God spoke through her husband Mary obeyed him and took the child and went with him to Egypt. An ideal wife should pray to God to grant through the husband proper place, environment and protection needed for the family. Both Mary and Joseph went together to present Jesus in the Temple. From this we learn that parents should be united in bringing children according to Divine Will. It is good for children's spiritual growth if parents accompany the children in going to Church festivals. "They went to the festival as usual"(Lk.2:42).

  The parents must pray and make sincere effort to instill in their children interest and attraction for holy matters. Instruct them in divine things from their childhood. When Jesus was only twelve years of age the temple authorities were dismayed at his replies. Later He had to face a lot of trials. Like Jesus up to about thirty years children will go through severe trials and temptations. They will have to face temptations from the devil, from worldly desires, greed for power and concupiscence of the flesh.

  In these circumstances the parents must be there to strengthen the children. It is necessary that parents should help, protect and pray for the children to overcome the devil's temptations. They must stand by them in their success and failures. Mary was with Jesus during his ministry and His passion and death. The Word of God and the help of the Holy Spirit are necessary to overcome the devil. Children must be taught and reminded of the desert experience of Jesus. If you lead a family life in this manner your children will be blessed. Through your children you and your posterity will receive glory before God. There has never been a son like Jesus; and there have never been parents comparable to those of Jesus. Try to bring up your children in the Love of God like Jesus and pray for the fruits of Divine grace.

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The Discipleship of Parents

By Ann Marie Lee

“Revere the Lord all your days my son, and refuse to sin or transgress his commandments. Live uprightly all the days of your life, and do not walk in the ways of wrongdoing…”
A father counsels his son. (Tobit 4:5-19)

Our first call in life is to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Parents will enjoy great peace and blessings when they practice their discipleship within the family to shape the lives of their children.

  Being a parent today is a heroic task. Parents must guide their child: through the struggles of school days, pressures from peers and non-Christian values, plan a career, marriage, and all of the ups and downs of growing up. When Jesus enters the lives of family members immediately we have peace. He has even promised us a peace beyond all understanding (Jn. 14:27). We have such peace because we were created for him and through our relationship with Him alone will we be happy. “He is the image of the invisible God, the first born of all creation….all things have been created through Him and for Him” (Col. 1:15-16). The very best gift a parent can give their child is to become, themselves, a disciple of Jesus Christ. When He is first then our family lives will be in order and all things will fall into place for our children.

  Parents want their children to have a good foundation of education, health, stability and happiness. Jesus speaks about how to achieve this sound foundation. Character strength is achieved when we build our lives on obedience to His word. “I will show you what someone is like who comes to me, hears my words, and acts on them That one is like a man building a house, who dug deeply and laid the foundation on rock; when a flood arose, the river burst against that house but could not shake it because it had been well built.” (Lk.6:47-48) Many parents will spend great amounts of money to secure the very best education for their child; but what kind of example are they giving the child about how to obey the teachings of Jesus Christ? It is only Jesus who promises such a foundation of character and faith which nothing in the universe can destroy. Bitter fights, resentful speech against one’s neighbor or relatives, lack of prayer and faith in God…these are the examples which disturb the child’s mind. Better to discipline oneself to have the mind and behavior of Jesus Christ to impress upon the young mind a spiritual nature which easily endures all difficulties and trials with love and forgiveness. Thousands, who are wealthy, educated and healthy have divorces due to their lack of spiritual and moral formation as provided by the eternal Word of God. The child learns most from their parent thus this influence is invaluable.

  A very specific promise is given us when our first goal is to teach our child to follow Jesus: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all else will be given you besides” (Lk. 12:31). In such a home the Word of God will be taught and loved “Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home…” (Deut. 6:6-7). Parents will practice personal and family prayer and they will be humble and go to confession showing the child how to be free of all sin. Jesus commands parents, “Let the little children come to me"(Mk. 10:14). The parents will strive to help children understand the mysteries of our faith especially the Eucharist and devotion to Mary. When family priorities and values revolve around their love and reverence for God the child will be more at peace when entering the competitive areas of life. They will seek first to glorify their Lord Jesus. This goal of the Glory of God will free the child from anxiety, fear and pride! A parent’s first concern will be to understand and guide their child into the Will of God for the child’s life—their vocation rather than an economic or prestigious goal of life. “I know the plans that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare..” (Jer. 29:11). The parent will not worry but continue to pray for God’s will and plan. “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Phil. 4:6). Jesus himself commands us “do not keep worrying” (Lk. 12:29) like those who do not believe in God.

  The father of St. Therese of Lisieux gave all of his five daughters away to the convent. He cried tears of gratitude to God for his role in their preparation to become the brides of Christ. His example of selfless love for God, prayerfulness and integrity influenced his children to desire God above all things. His youngest daughter died in the convent at a very young age leaving behind only her small diary of her love for God. This diary was published and led thousands of people to love God also. She was given the highest spiritual and intellectual title possible within the Faith, that of Doctor of the Church. In all her ways she was a little child following Jesus and in this her life became great. Let us encourage our children to become saints and to set their eyes upon the rewards that come from heaven first…then allow God to shower them with the gifts he wishes in their lives. Then we will have the satisfaction of hearing our Lord say to us… “Well done good and faithful servant…enter into the joy of your master” (Mt. 25:21).

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Suffering for the Glory of God

“Do not lose courage, then because it brings with it a great reward. You need patience to do God’s will and receive what He has promised” (Heb. 10:35-36)

By Fr. George Panackal, V.C.

  The ability to bear sufferings is one of the greatest gifts of God. Jesus suffered for everyone. Let us also suffer for all and thus make life meaningful. All of us have various kinds of crosses in our life. Some people consider these crosses to be their personal bad-luck. But we should all avoid such thinking. Instead we should take our cross and join it to the cross of Jesus, offering our suffering for the whole world. Then we shall be anointed by the Spirit of God and our suffering will be changed to a blessing.

  The Lord’s suffering was able to obtain the salvation of the whole world. It is the strength of the evangelical ministry. To be able to suffer for God’s glory and for the good of our brothers is a gift from God. We should understand this and be ready to thank and praise God for it and receive the strength that comes through this gift. Jesus has taught mankind a lesson which no other teacher has ever taught, namely, not to let our sufferings go wasted. Every suffering individual, if he stands beneath the cross of Jesus, will be able to hear Jesus whispering something to him.

  It is when one does not utilize his suffering profitably that he feels like complaining, sulking, getting angry, despairing or even not wanting to live any more. Suffering becomes a blessing when it is borne for the love of God and our neighbor. We must pray that all our suffering may be filled with love and turn into blessings. When they become blessings they will have miraculous power, greatest might. The human mind cannot comprehend what this mighty power can achieve. Only the Holy Spirit can make us understand it.

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Cry Out To the Lord!

Fr. Mathew Naikomparambil, V.C.

  This prayer from the depth of the heart is a cry towards the Heavenly father. This is an expression of my deep faith and hope that God is my only refuge. God who has definite plans about us gives pains, sufferings and sorrows in the path leading to that plan. A person turns towards God and Christ, when he is convinced that nothing human or material can save him.

  "My God, My Lord, talk to me, I cannot take even one step forward, please guide me. Why have you given me sufferings, pains and sorrows? Lord, please reveal to me your plan about me." When we cry loud like this, God will reveal himself to us. We will be convinced that these sufferings are to find God and to lift us to heaven. Human plans are temporary-temporary happiness, safety for the time being, good name, fame, human approval, wealth…But God's plan is forever.

  God gives us sufferings to teach justice. Therefore one who becomes fit for God's love will have sufferings, weaknesses, and crosses. Giving all this He keeps us closer to Him. We must find time during the period of suffering to listen to God's voice and to thirst for God's love. Then we will get the grace to rise up with Jesus. We will receive blessings and strength from the Holy Spirit. We'll understand that we are God's children. When we are in the depth of sufferings, contempt, and helplessness, sweet prayers, meditations and spiritual strength spring up. In this stage our eyes and ears are lifted to Calvary. There we can see God's throne. We will realize the emptiness of all material aspirations.. Jesus extends in each moment of sufferings an eternal invitation to forsake sin, selfishness, and bodily comforts. God stands with us to lead us to the glory of resurrection.  

"Though the Lord may give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your teacher." (Is. 30:20)

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Prayer of Praise in Times of Trial

Fr. Mathew Naikomparambil, V.C.

Blessed are Those who endure sorrows and privations for Love of God!

For every experience of suffering: WE PRAISE YOU, O GOD!

For stripping us of our selfishness through suffering:

For teaching us through suffering to be patient and kind:

For teaching us to praise God for every trial:

For the promise of Heavenly reward for every suffering we endure:

Since our life and our health are your free gifts:

For teaching us to live for You and for Your Kingdom:

For revealing to us that the world and its pleasures are transient:

For preparing us through sufferings to live and work for eternal happiness:

For transforming our whole being into the likeness of Jesus Christ:

Praise You Jesus, Thank You Jesus, Alleluia, Praise the Lord!
 

Praise the Lord. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit.


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